A Recommended Reading List for the Random Guy Caught Having Phone Sex in my Bookstore Bathroom

Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller. Miller’s novel, originally intended to be titled Crazy Cock according to the author, was banned in the U.S. for 27 years and became known as much for its fight for freedom of expression as for its expression of sexual freedom. Now hailed as an American classic, this story—part memoir, part fiction—is wholly bawdy.

Vox by Nicholson Baker. The titillating concept: A fictional transcription of a conversation between two people who meet over a phone sex call-in line. Satisfyingly voyeuristic.

Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair. Sigh. Not a lot of sex but a whole lot of sexy by the Chilean poet, Pablo Neruda.

Story of O by Pauline Réage. Love, dominance, and submission. This was the original Fifty Shades of Grey, the X version to Fifty’s PG-13. Not for the politically correct or easily offended.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera. Prague in the ‘60s and ‘70s. Four tangled up characters/lovers. Existential themes. Lyrical writing. And, of course, sex.

In the Cut by Susanna Moore. Moore’s novel is a sexy trinity of literature, erotica, and thriller that will titillate you long after the final page.

Delta of Venus by Anaïs Nin. A stunning collection of erotic short stories and sexual encounters applauded by sex-positive feminists.

Create Your Own Erotic Fantasy series. Remember the Choose Your Own Adventure series of your childhood? Well, they’re all grown up now. These sexy novellas have interactive plots that engage the reader by allowing them to choose which page to turn to next. “Our friend Kimmie will be there; I think you’d like her. And I think she’d like you. A lot. (If you accept their offer, please turn to page 128. If you turn it down, please turn to page 173.)”

None of the choices the reader is offered have you ending up having phone sex in the public bathroom of an independent bookstore though. I’m just sayin’.